Hello and welcome back to Last Week in TV. This week because I had an extra day off, I decided to make this a special marathon column to catch up with a couple shows I was behind on. Of course this also means that I didn't have time to review all the shows I normally do so some of your favorites may be missing entirely and some might only have awards and quotes. 12 Monkeys will be added in about 2 hours since I just got access to the last episode and want to include it in the review part. It won't be added to episode awards or quotes though. Elementary may also be added later since I am halfway done with it. The Big Bang Theory and Outlander will go to next week's column. As will The Middle, which should have been this week's nominated episode. Since Poldark was going to be next week's nominated episode and I was in the middle of marathoning it this week, I switched them. Sorry for the confusion. If you would like to nominate an episode, please fill out the short form below. As always, comments are the sun in spring. Until next week, happy TV viewing.
Show of the Week / Nominated Show:
Note - Show of the Week was particularly hard to choose this week because 3 shows sprung to mind as being especially excellent: The Flash (best line), The Goldbergs (best moment), and Poldark (best twist). While they all had their merits, Poldark is the one that surprised me the most so it gets the nod. Still the other 2 were superb as well.
I am shocked by just how much I like this show. I've always been a sucker for historical dramas, but I am even more passionate against love triangles. Make no mistake. This whole series rests on one. The difference I think is that no one is acting on it and as long as that continues, I can deal. Once Poldark and Elizabeth hook up, it will be all over for me and it will ruin Poldark's character. The show can't afford that because he is the heart, soul, and namesake. Usually characters with overly progressive ideas in a period show drive me nuts, but Poldark makes it more about everyone working together so everyone can survive. Poldark would not have had a chance if he didn't entice his tenants to believe in him and it worked as a business strategy. Yes, he is also hardwired to buck convention which actually lead to the biggest TV shock of the month for me. My jaw literally dropped open, ending what I thought was going to be the will they-won't they couple of the series. Kudos for not drawing things out. In some ways it reminds me of Outlander minus the nudity and cursing and I am very good with that. If you haven't checked this show out, give it a try. I strongly suggest marathoning though as this series was built for it.
Grade: overall A-
Ranking - 5
Audience - people into historical dramas who like spunky characters you can root for
TV Formula - Outlander - (time travel and all the sex) + Horatio Hornblower -the sea adventures
Best Reason to Watch - the intriguing characters
Best Scene - Demelza holds her own at the dinner party
Best Supporting Character - hmm, I think Verity although Henshawe has been amazing too
Most Surprising - Huh? He married his servant girl? Back in that time period? Say what? Did not see that coming.
Biggest Jinx - Jim says he won't poach again after that night so of course that's when he gets caught
Best Humor - Francis asks Jud if he can count for the duel and he butchers it
The "Oh Come On" Award - If you are going to gossip about a guy while he's in the same coach as you, you can't be surprised when he hears you. It's a coach. Your knees are practically touching.
Least Needed - Jud and Prudie, who basically only drink Poldark's wine and complain, but they do bring comic relief so here's hoping they aren't fired
The "Push Leads to Shove" Award - Dear Uncle Poldark, if you keep pushing your nephew to leave he's only going to stay. Stop trying so hard.
Best Friend - Henshawe, who sticks by Poldark through the bad times
The "Oh Stop" Award - Demelza isn't going away so the other two should just stop trying
Most Gentlemanly (at first) - Francis, who offers Elizabeth an out before the wedding
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Poldark almost lets his cousin drown. I don't care what issues you have between you, who does that?
Biggest Hmmm - If the dress unfastens down the back, how did Demelza get it on without help? Just saying.
Biggest Turnaround - Jud and Prudie decide they are fond of Demelza's marriage once they think about all she does for them and how they'd have to step up with a new mistress
The "Little Warning Please" Award - panning in on a bloodletting without warning is just evil
Best Quotes -
1. Ross: "I doubt there are any subtleties of combat in which can offer you advice, ma'am."
2. Poldark: "I hope you won't live to regret your choice of husband." Demelza: "Why would I?" Poldark: "We may soon be destitute." Demelza: "There are other kinds of treasure."
3. Traveler: "How was the war sir?" Poldark: "As any war, ma'am. A waste of good men."
4. Francis: "Your father would not have wished you to stoop." Poldark: "My father would not have wished me to starve." Francis: "He's proved a poor legacy." Poldark: "Certainly a fickle one."
5. Chynoweth: "Do tell us, Ross, how we managed to lose the war?" Poldark: "By choosing the wrong side, madam."
New Shows:
Nope, just nope. Here's another quirky comedy where none of the characters are remotely likeable. You have your stock characters: needy neurotic woman, divorced lothario, social protesting artist, and manchild schlub. You've got your stock plot - no one can find love. You've got your stock humor - masturbation jokes anyone? All of it leads nowhere interesting for me. The fact that I liked all of these characters best when they were not talking speaks volumes to me. Even if my TV schedule were less busy, I wouldn't have time for this. Tell me if it gets more interesting before it gets cancelled. I can't think of a universe in which this is popular enough to get a second season.
Grade: D+
Ranking - 1
Audience - people who like dating comedies with quirky characters that have nothing in common
Best Reason to Watch - 4 strangers have chemistry together pretty quickly
Best Scene - wedding reception, where none of them are talking but they all have fun
Biggest Douche Move - Caryn cuts herself a slice of wedding cake before the bride and groom can
Most Talented - adlibbing wedding vows
Most Awkward - the "book club" engagement party
The "Double, Double" Award - the actor who plays Stosh totally reminds me of Riley from Buffy
The "Welcome Back" Award - Becki Newton from The Goodwin Games
The "Say What?" Award - I know Eric acts like a goofy, harmless dweeb, but Zara, come on. You don't drive strangers in your car.
Best Quotes -
1. Caryn: "You were always terrified of intimacy, weren't you? I could see it in your eyes the very first day we met." Marty: "Which was Wednesday."
2. Caryn: "I'm in the dental field too, a hygienist. Small world." Stosh: "Small, incredibly boring world, yes."
3. Stosh: "You may be a whole bag of crazy but the prize for weird loner goes to the big guy at the end." Eric: "Thanks." Caryn: "Um Stosh, you do realize that you're going to die alone too, right?" Stosh: "God willing, Cyndi." Caryn: "It's Caryn." Stosh: "Whatever."
4. Caryn: "You know he's not exactly Ryan Gosling but I'm not exactly whatever the female equivalent of Ryan Gosling is." Stosh: "Scarlett Johansson."
5. Stosh: "Aren't you gonna wish me luck?" Neighbor: "Just jump."
I wasn't sure what to make of this show at first but I was 100% sure that 20-somethings should sue for defamation in the first 20 minutes. Good thing I'm pushing 45 and for the record, I don't want to be in my 20's again. That makes me the perfect age for a comedy about not understanding younger generations. It also makes me appreciate the Diana character, who had me chortling and nodding with her death knoll on civilization and decent culture. I will never understand how #ToplessTuesday empowers anyone but pervs. Naked selfies aren't in my purview. Let's just say I'm befuddled along with Liza and sympathize with Diana's lack of patience with a social media obsessed world. It makes this comedy a lot of fun for me, but I'm not sure how much younger generations will enjoy it.
Grade: B
Ranking - 4
Audience - women in their 30's and beyond who enjoy laughing at the foibles of the young
Best Reason to Watch - very interesting premise, watching a 40-ish woman making it in a 20-ish world
Best Interview Answer Ever - Liza says that adults don't think they're special
Best Mom Snark - Liza talking about Josh's tattoos
Biggest What the Heck? - Lauren just takes down the top of her dress at an outdoor eatery so she can take a selfie and put it on Twitter
Biggest Douche - since ex-hubby wasn't actually in it, Thad wins the prize
Most in Need of Suing for Defamation - twenty-somethings come off really badly in this show
The "Is That All It Takes?" Award - one bad date and suddenly Liza can't wait to kiss Josh
The "Welcome Back" Award - Debi Mazer from Jonas and Burn Notice / Hilary Duff from Disney / Nick Tortorella from The Following
Best Quotes -
1. Liza: "Rihanna posts topless selfies like all the time and has over 35 million followers." Diana: "Just another 35 million nails in our cultural coffin."
2. Liza: "We're actually too broke to get divorced. How's that for comedy…or tragedy? Take your pick."
3. Liza: "Do I really want to trade my dignity, wisdom, and self-respect for another chance at my 20's? Maggie: "Yes. Yes, you do."
4. Kelsey: "She's hit her head on the glass ceiling so many times, she's got dementia."
5. Diana: "Tell me Leslie, what would you say makes you special?" Liza: "I'm a grownup. I don't think I'm special."
To get the elephant out of the room, I'll start by saying some of the special effects of this show remind me of Clash of the Titans…the 1981 version. Yeah, there's some sketchy VFX going on here. However the story is interesting as are the 2 main female roles. Both the Oracle and Medea have an agenda and both are smart enough to achieve it, but they are driven by different purposes. Medea is cold, calculating, and not above sacrificing her own kid if it means rising in power. The Oracle is fittingly more mysterious but it is clear that she has a good heart as well as brains. Teach her some self-defense and she could be early Gabrielle from the Xena TV show. She's not capable of an epic journey by herself but she'd bring her own talents to the adventure. Sadly the men are less memorable. Of course there's the hero, who shall remain nameless lest the speaker turn to stone. All the others pretty much run together except for King Aegeus, who's wounded and not much use to anyone right now. The show is intriguing enough that I can wade through iffy effects at least a couple more episodes to see where this is going.
Grade: B-
Ranking - 4
Audience - anyone who likes early mythology epics
Best Reason to Watch - it's going to come down to the 2 smart females if my story vision is working
Best Character - Oracle
Character You'd Least Like to Tick Off - Medea
Worst Way to Tell the Future - bloodletting your own child for signs
Recappers' Worst Nightmare - main character cannot be named or else the person saying it turns to stone
Least Needed - slow-mo and stop motion battle scenes
Best Reaction - Pallas to learning Medea didn't out him as an assassin and then to her claiming King Aegeus put Lykos in charge over him
Most in Need of Going - Theo
Best Plan - fall over the cliff so the Cyclops chases you but be tethered to it so you don't die too
Boldest Plan - Medea puts her son in power, knowing full well that Pallas tried to assassinate Aegeus
The "Poor Baby" Award - with a mother like Medea, Lykos is screwed
The "Welcome Back" Award - Graham Shiels from Arrow
Best Quotes -
1. Theo: "There are harpies in these woods you know. Hector saw one feeding on a stag." Oracle: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to turn into a harpy myself."
2. Medea: "Pallus knows that you're a coward at heart, General. That if he warned you of a conspiracy, you would recruit a bodyguard, and you feel for it because you, my dear General, are as dim as you are gutless. It's no wonder we're losing the war with you General at the tiller."
3. Theo: "I'm invisible." Hero: "I can see that."
4. Pallas: "Poison? Shouldn't you at least give the accused the opportunity to defend himself." Medea: "We're at war, Lord Pallas. There's no time for trials."
5. Medea: "It's King Minos you should be terrorizing, not your own men."
Marathoned Shows:
This is another show that is probably better in marathon than week by week because it sucks you up in the shenanigans, conveniently making you forget that everyone is horrible. Well, except King Simon. He's actually pretty cool. You have your typical royal brat, who can't come undone fast enough for her own liking. Then there's the cold, calculating Queen Helena, who is desperate to keep the monarchy over her husband's inclination to ditch it. Of course, there's also the hot playboy heir to the throne who falls in love with a commoner. Tell me if you've heard this one before. Oh you have? I think it was called The Prince and Me. Still no royal fest is complete without Dynasty-level machinations and soap opera. The disgusting prick of a brother, desperate to be on the throne, keeps almost killing King Simon. Does he think that will preserve the monarchy? What an idiot! The Pouting Princess is getting blackmailed by a grifter posing as her bodyguard, another annoying character. Plus of course no one actually cares about anyone else in this whole drama. They are too busy sabotaging each other to get anything done. Well, except King Simon. Still there is something Scandal-like about the show that pulls you in. I'm not rooting for any of these people but their foibles are entertaining for the most part. It's much like watching a train wreck or Empire. I want to be better than this but I can't stop looking.
Grade: B-
Ranking - 2
Audience - those who like soap opera drama
TV Formula - Think Empire with accents and slightly more dignified hostility. Where Cookie would throw down, Helena schemes.
Best Reason to Watch - royally soap opera-ish
Best Reason to Fast Forward - competing fashion shows
Best Scene - Ophelia vs. Gemma in round 1 and 2 along with Liam and Marcus' reaction to it
Most Fun - Liam's bodyguard goes body surfing after him in a crowd, talking about it not being prudent
Biggest Hypocrite - Eleanor who calls out Ted on his parenting skills
Most Audacious - Ophelia refuses to curtsy to the queen
Best Character - King Simon
Most Vile Character - in a show where everyone is vile, Uncle Cyrus is particularly loathsome
Most in Need of Going - Jasper. I'm no fan of Eleanor and I don't feel sorry for her escapades coming back to haunt her, but Jasper is a rapist and a bore. He's getting worse. He needs to go.
Smartest Kid in the Room - Ashok, who takes one look at Liam between his barely dressed ex-girlfriend and new fling and decides to be elsewhere
Least Surprising - the queen is in love with the war hero
Biggest Risk - Jasper punches out Liam to get him to leave the scene of an accident
Best Quotes -
1. Queen: "Why can't you drunk text like a normal person?"
2. Nick: "You're being chased by desperate, overweight men with digital cameras and I'm the odd one?"
3. Eleanor: "I would have thought you'd be happy, dear uncle. I mean after all, you're one step closer to the throne. All you have to do is wait for your brother to die and then kill Liam…oh, and kill me too of course." Cyrus: "The drugs will do that and if not the syphilis will drive you mad and they'll declare you unfit to rule. Either way, win-win."
4. King: "If we distanced ourselves from the parents of Liam's conquests, your party would be a wasteland."
5. Ophelia: "You worry about a moment. I worry about all the other moments."
To be honest I watch this show while I am doing other things, so I don't pay careful attention to the details. It helps me overlook the frequent language and the more annoying of the characters. Overall I find the story line fascinating but that's about to change if Christian continues to be a complete whiny douche about his missing powers. His young self was annoying in his fascination with being a superhero without having the heart of one. Now that he's an adult it is a bit pathetic how he still hasn't grown up. If he tries to release Wolfe so that he can get his powers back, I'm done with him just like Retro Girl. Speaking of, she is still the best character and the least shady. I loved getting the back story on her and the others, which was the strongest part of this marathon. I am not sure why they hired different actors for Diamond and Royalle but not her though. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing but it did throw me out of the story at first. I do hope we get more back story on the time between when they all met and when they took down Wolfe though. I bet they had some great adventures together.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - back story on the main Powers
Biggest Aww Scene - Retro Girl at Christian's bedside weeping over not being able to save them all
Biggest Huh - the drug is Wolfe
Biggest Cliffhanger - This is a hard award to give. Each episode does a great job of teasing you into watching the next. Still I'm going with Christian's glowing red eyes over Wolfe's breakout by a smidge.
Best Action - Powers Division vs. Wolfe / Retro Girl and Zora vs. Wolfe
Most Pompous Douche - Diamond, who is more concerned with showing what a super hero is than saving people's lives
Most Surprising - Triphammer is actually upset that he keeps killing Powers while trying to perfect his machine to drain them of their powers
Cheesiest Special Effects - Retro Girl slowly coming to ground while flying and Diamond flying in 1.05
Most Revolting - Wolfe
The "Welcome Back" Award - Sterling Beaumon, who is starting to guest in several of my shows
Best Quotes -
1. Retro Girl: "You don't need powers in order to be powerful."
2. Pilgrim: "We don't want him to eat too many people all at once. He could get too powerful." Cop: "So we're portion control."
3. Retro Girl: "Well in just the few moments I've been here, that's enough for the Twitterverse to explode. Retro Girl visits Johnny Royalle's nightclub. And the minute I walk out that door, the world will be quivering in anticipation of what I say and when I tell them, 'Yes, it's a fine place to bring your mom and dad and do some B-list power watching,' you'll be out of business in a week. And when that week is over and nobody's watching you, cares about what you do, I may come back to beat you up."
4. Diamond: "People aren't interesting buying things from someone who's ordinary. It's not sexy." Pilgrim: "Yeah us ordinary people, we're a sorry bunch."
5. Wolfe: "Heroic acts in the pursuit of glory have no virtue."
Again it is a tale of two episodes on Community. 6.03 represented the best of the show while 6.04 represented the meh. Community has a tendency to do quirky very well and in this case, like the premiere, I laughed the entire way through it. I couldn't even pick a funniest scene because there were too many that had me gasping for air. The entire plot - an attack ad about a dog getting a degree from Greendale - was so bizarre that I couldn't help but laugh. Add in Frankie's "death to hope" conflict with Annie's blue skies outlook with all the great reaction shots and the only thing that wasn't stellar was drunk Britta. I did like her music video though. In 6.04, the only I liked was the ending. Chang's play moving the audience to tears moved me to laughter. I'm glad they found someplace for him to shine. Generally Chang takes turns being my most fast forward-able character but here I did feel sorry for him. Sadly the same could not be said of the Dean, whom I also don't like as a character. Concentrating on him so much after the equally disastrous virtual reality episode where he was also featured was a mistake. Dean is only good in small doses and this season it feels like he's become the main character every other episode. If that pattern continues, I am bound to be disappointed by this season. A comedy in which you only laugh every other episode is troublesome.
Grade: B+ / C-
Best Reason to Watch - the absurdist humor of episode 6.03
Best Reason to Fast Forward - almost everything in 6.04 unless you are a big fan of Dean and Chang
Best Scene - Frankie denounces hope / the audience crying and cheering about Chang's performance
Most Engrossed - the audience at Chang's performance
The "Only in Greendale" Award - dogs getting Bachelor's degrees, sigh
Best Silent Conversation - Jeff and the Dean about Frankie
Least Likely to be Invited to Karaoke - Britta
Best Reaction - Jeff to Dean giving him olives / Elroy to Frankie not owning a TV
Best New Addition - I didn't realize that Keith David was going to be recurring this season and I'm very psyched about it
Biggest What the Heck - Cat masks to help a bird fly away? Hmm.
Biggest Douche - the director, who is also the most scary
The "Foul on That Play" Award - Annie uses her gender and rank as a student to get her way
Most Surprising - Annie storms out of Greendale, threatening to enroll in City College / director is not yelling at Annie because he thinks she's untalented
Least Surprising - Annie doesn't actually go / Annie gets the role Chang wants
Biggest What the Heck - What does texting the admittedly annoying Dean have to do with Japanese mafia?
Most Awkward - Frankie trying to be up with hope with Annie
Best Reference - Donkey Kong
Best Quotes -
1. Abed: "The brotherhood of AV exists beyond your petty factionalism. We serve only Video, the one true queen, and her faithful consort Audio." Chang: "Could you guys be bigger nerds?" Abed: "No, most of us have achieved our maximum potential."
2. Jeff: "I'm speechless." Frankie: "I forgot Chang was up there." Britta: "Me too. It's actually a relief to be able to support him out of something other than fear."
3. Abed: "The wi-fi's still broken." Frankie: "Whatever happened to Good Morning?" Abed: "It's a bad morning. No wi-fi." Frankie: "Okay let's not get carried away. We need oxygen." Elroy: "We have oxygen. We need wi-fi."
4. Annie: "That City College ad may be technically a lie but it's really dishonest to kill it on a technicality and dragging this dog's name through the mud, that's worst than dishonest. That's evil." Frankie: "Evil? I'll cop to silly." Elroy: "Somethings are silly and evil. Like candy cigarettes. And remember when Flavor Flav had that reality show."
5. Director: "You are the worst actor I've ever directed and I directed both Walhbergers."
6. Annie: "So I know you agree with me that we need to find the truth, but do you agree that the truth won't be horrible." Frankie: "I'm not psychic, Annie. That's an illusion caused by extreme preparedness." Annie: "But what do you hope is true?" Frankie: "Oh God no, I never hope. Hope is pouting in advance. Hope is Faith's richer, b** sister. Hope is the deformed addict-bound, incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear. My life results tripled the year I gave up hope and every game on my phone that had anything to do with farming. What's true will be true, Annie. Our job is to deal with that truth."
Note - I was going to wait until summer to marathon SHIELD but I was asked to guest on the Fandom Zone podcast and SHIELD is one of the shows they review. I am however putting this show on hiatus again until summer because it irritates me. I'm not a fan of Team Coulson right now and frankly I'd rather watch Team Bobbi and Mac. Sadly there will be no way to reconcile both teams so once again they are going to boot the best characters and leave us with the most irksome ones. Except May. I still love May.
I am all for New SHIELD or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Unlike most, I don't think Coulson is the most effective leader and he would do well to go back to the level he was at in the beginning. I admire his wit, loyalty, courage, and car but he makes some boneheaded decisions and I agree that secrets are not the way for SHIELD to go this time. I also hate Skye so every time he decides to put everyone at risk to protect her annoys me to no end. In general I think the fewer secrets an organization keeps, the better run the organization and the more likely it is to not screw up everything in the process. I'm with Bobbi here. I think she makes a fine leader and I hope Coulson and team don't topple them too quickly. I'd like to see what SHIELD could be under new leadership.
Grade: B- overall
Best Reason to Watch - New SHIELD
Best Reason to Fast Forward - Skye's therapy session snarkiness
Best Action - Bobbi vs. basically everyone / Hartley vs. everyone / Bobbi vs. May
Most Interesting Announcer - Crazy Cal and his duel of death
The "Wow, Just Wow" Award - Fake Skye think Ward is well adjusted? That woman needs more help than I thought.
Best Back Story - May's marriage / Mac, Bobbi, and Hartley on the day SHIELD fell
Best Teacher / Best Character / Best Training - May
The "Give Me a Break" Award - now Skye is Lola, great
Biggest Build Up - Mac makes a big pronouncement about working for the real SHIELD and then it pans to the SHIELD crest in musical crescendo, and I have no idea why this is a big deal
The "Say What?" Award - Cal breaks his mug in his hand and no one even looks at him much less has a staff member come help?
Worst Plan - Cal's army of the crazy / Ward mentoring Kara like the new, more evil Coulson and Skye
The " I Most Heartily Disagree" Award - May says that without Coulson there would be no SHIELD. In truth, without Coulson would be no show, but he's made his fair share of bad decisions. I don't fault Bobbi's SHIELD for thinking he's a threat. He is more about Skye's well-being and secrets than saving the world.
Most Underestimated - Jemma
Swiftest Move - Vin-Tak swipes the weapon to restore Lady Sif's memory and then drops it within 3 seconds
Best Surprise - when Vin-Tak said he was going for the key, I thought he meant Skye and I prepared socks to throw
Most Surprising - Coulson orders Simmons to find a way to take down special people, including Skye
Least Surprising - Skye still lives, sadly / Dr. Garner is May's ex / Fake May becomes Fake Skye
Least Welcome Back - Bakshi
The "Welcome Back" Award (character)- Evil May woo hoo!!! / Lady Sif / Hartley, who died too soon
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Blaire Underwood from LA Law and Ironside / Eddie McClintock formerly of Warehouse 13 / Kirk Acevedo from Fringe and 12 Monkeys / Edward James Olmos from BSG and Selena
Best Reference - Willy Wonka
Best Quotes -
1. Hunter: "Perhaps we could have discussed this alone without all of Hufflepuff looking on."
2. Lady Sif: "Asgard is millennia beyond you in our pursuit of science, of knowledge, and we have learned that there are some things that can never be understood." Coulson: "Is this little talk one of them?"
3. Coulson: "That's a lot of umbrellas for one drink." Bartender: "Let me guess. She got the house."
4. Garner: "Congrats on the promotion or should I offer my condolences." Coulson: "That depends on what's on the other end of this call."
5. Mac: "Ah, there goes your modeling career." Bobbi: "You should talk, pretty boy."
6. Fitz: "They're a very bizarre pair. He listens for a living and she doesn't speak."
I can't continue to watch a show where I actively root for every single person to die because they are all douches. That's the point where I am in 12 Monkeys. The time travel shenanicanon drives me up a wall and I can't stand the main characters. Right now I am Team Plague because everyone in the future on this show is completely selfish. Cole is solely focused on making sure Cassie lives now. Since I care not one whit about their relationship and Cassie is generally meh to me, his emoangsting over her mostly makes me yawn. In all honesty, I don't see what her appeal is and why 2 separate men would give everything to see that she makes it. If she's fated to die, let her. It is beyond my comprehension how Cole can think he's at all better than Ramse at this point. At least he redeems himself a little in the finale because the other 2 sure don't. Jones is a mass murdering psycho so focused on her daughter that she can't believe in any other way but her own. She's simultaneously the exact same as Foster and worse than him. Only Jennifer, by far the best character, still has me intrigued. She's the kind of nuts that is fascinating instead of the irritating kind of nuts like Jones. One full season is enough for me to dedicate to this show. If these characters can do whatever they like with no real consequences and justify the means because of the ends, if the difference between the good guys and the bad guys is merely the point-of-view since they do equally despicable things, if no one will even try to see the big picture and realize that maybe someone other than themselves might have a valid point, then why save this world at all? They all suck out loud. If any of these people actually cared about using their talents to best save the world, Cassie would be working with Foster right now and Aaron would be working with Cole. Jones would be the conduit between them all. But that kind of logic doesn't fit a shipping world and so we get this.
Grade: C (average between the good premise and sucky characters)
Best Character - Jennifer by about half the world's length. At least she doesn't try to hide her crazy but fully embraces it.
Best Aww Scene - Cole's dad meets adult Cole
Most Fun Scene - Jennifer Goines takes over her father's company
Best Action - Ramse vs. Cole
Least Selfish - I may not be that invested in Cassie, but she is the one main character who is not putting the fate of the world as second place to a single person. Jones is consumed by her dead daughter, Cole and Aaron are all about Cassie (not sure why), and Ramse is all about his son. No wonder the future is screwed when no one can see to look at the big picture.
Most Evil - Jones
Most Intriguing - Olivia, who seems to be the brains behind the whole thing
Worst Parent - Leland Goines, who doesn't clear his daughter's name even though he knows she didn't kill anyone
The "Will They Never Learn?" Award - Ramse should have killed Jones while he had the chance but no he had the do the avenger's version of the villain monologue
Best Reason to Keep Your Trap Shut - Goines wasn't going to take the corpse until Cole spouted off about a virus so I guess in time travel lore (which makes zero sense anyway), he started the chain of events that created the plague
Biggest Reason Time Travel is a Terrible Story Framework - Time travel has zero story tension because everything is literally a do-over. Plus the future ends up making the past which makes the future which makes no sense.
Best Use of a Time Traveler - making investments for the future
Biggest What the Hell - Why are they shooting people who cannot defend themselves? You've taken out their leader so why not start talking and stop shooting. This massacre is all on Jones and she's just as much of a fanatic as Jonathan was. What the hell, lady! You suck!
Best Back Story - how Cole and Ramse hooked up with Jones' crew / where the West 7 came from / Jennifer and the 12 monkeys
And Introducing Cruella De Vil - Why does this unknown woman inspire me to hide all the puppies with that getup she's wearing?
Best Continuity - the speech near the end of the finale
The "You Have Got to be Kidding Me?" Award - Dear world-killing scientist, before you fall on your sword after creating an ELE virus, how about telling Cassie everything you know so she can try to stop it. Stop being cryptic and help undo the mess you made. While you're at it, how about giving some hints for a cure? Give her a little more understanding of what she's fighting.
The "I Just Don't Get It" Award - Why are all of these people willing to do anything to keep Cassie alive? What makes her so special? It makes no sense to me.
Biggest Shock - Jones shoots Jonathan / Ramse goes back in time to work for Team Plague
Cheapest Episode - Shonin, which is basically clips from previous episodes in the middle
Best Parent - Cole's dad makes Cole try to fix his own toy before stepping in and doing it for him
The "You Are So Very Right" Award - Cassie, you are right. You haven't changed anything, so maybe…just maybe, Jones shouldn't have killed the guy with the cure. This show is so frustrating.
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Jennifer
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Patrick Garrow from Bitten
Best Reference - One-Eyed Willie from The Goonies
Best Quotes -
1. Aaron: "You feeling okay?" Cassie: "Well it turns out scotch doesn't stop the apocalypse."
2. Jones: "Those injections are essential for this mission." Whitley: "They may be essential but I'm not going after Ramse. With time is left, he should be a father to that boy. You know you're right about one thing. Somebody someday will judge us for what we've done."
3. Cassie: "I'm gonna tell you the truth." Jones: "Oh God help us."
4. Ramse: "You think you're saving people? Hmm. You do, don't you? You're not erasing anyone. This has got to stop. I mean we're done." Cole: "You don't get to make that call." Ramse: "Oh, West 7 all over again, huh? You're willing to do anything?" Cole: "I'm not going to let her die, Ramse." Ramse: "There he is. That's the Cole I know. Blind and you're selfish. What about me?" Cole: "What about you Ramse? What about you?" Ramse: "My son." Cole: "Your son's already dead. There is no future. Get it through your head."
5. Jones: "Mother Nature doesn't like it if you rearrange the furniture."
6. Jones: "I don't think that God's wrath requires my belief."
7. Cassie: "I have a gun." Jones: "Yes but I have a knife and unlike your gun, my knife is real."
8. Cole: "He's trying to protect Elena and his kid." Jones: "At this point we cannot let your friendship stand in the way of this mission. Where's Ramse?" Cole: "Tell me he won't get hurt." Jones: "Why would that matter if you are successful?" Cole: "Because getting Ramse killed can't be the last thing I do here."
Weekly Shows:
Generally I like Battle Creek because it makes me laugh. This time it was more about the heart. I appreciate getting to know the captain better this early because usually in police procedurals that's a season 2 or 3 thing. Seeing her vulnerable and knowing the back story between her child and her helped to set her character apart from all the other crime procedurals. Plus it provided the best heart of the night. Other than that, the case was pretty bizarre. I like that it wasn't intentional arson and more romance gone wrong. Still the man was lucky. Sneaking into a police captain's house in the middle of the night is risky to say the least. He's one incredibly stupid lover.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - Guz back story shows a more vulnerable side to her
Best Scene - the bachelor party
Best Aww Scene - Guz tells Danny she's not giving up on him
Best Back Story - Guz raised a kid
Best Reaction - everyone to Russ voluntarily saying they should get Milt
Best Sport - Russ does a stripper routine for Funk's bachelor party
Worst Romantic Gesture - sure he gets points for trying but accidentally burning down the police captain's house puts you so far in the hole you can't climb out
The "Welcome Back" award - Rotimi from Divergent
Best Quotes -
1. Russ: "Are you okay?" Guz: "I'm breathing. Are you okay?" Fontanelle: "He lost a bet. He can't hold his liquor like he used to." Guz: "Can't fit into those chaps like you used to either."
2. Russ: "For now on there's going to be no parking tickets, no street patrols, no more busts of nickel bags, gangbangers. Hell it could be the Purge out there for all I care. Right now we have 1 case."
3. Font: "So boyfriend's in that time?" Guz: "I made a list." Font: "17 in 3 years! Not to judge." Guz: "It's been a good 3 years."
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - MacGyver escapades
Biggest Idiot - Why is the guy on trial trying to murder the witness in front of cops? That makes zero sense. He should be sending someone instead of doing it himself. Otherwise they have him on attempted murder and he gets locked up anyway.
The "Oh Give Me a Break" Award - even if they got control of the vehicle, there is no way they stop something that heavy in such short time or even get it slowed down enough to matter
Biggest Screw up - Toby doesn't show up for his date
Biggest Face Palm - Cabe can't drive an RV. They need Fiona Glenanne on this show.
The "I Feel Old Too" Award - Cabe gets nostalgic about the 70's but Walter says he wasn't even born then
Best Surprise - Maya's genius helps save her
Least Surprising - mole in the FBI
Least Intimidating - Walter starts rambling about brain chemistry when trying to convince Ricky to give them the RV
Most Creative Apology - wrench bouquet and a box of nuts (as in nuts and bolts)
The "Sometimes the Good Guys Suck" Award - the DEA is forcing an innocent woman to testify against a cartel
Best Plan - always the ones Cabe makes since they are the only ones that work
Worst Plan - leaving the government SUV in plain sight so the cartel can find out what they're now driving
Best Reference - Carpocalypse
Best Quotes -
1. Walter: "I don't have any feelings and even I'm uncomfortable watching this."
2. Toby: "Tell him he wouldn't like you when you're angry." Sylvester: "What is he? The Hulk?"
3. Sylvester: "Probability theory predicts that one cannot predict the future with any absolute certainty, but this is an exception. There is zero chance that she will accept your apology." Toby: "I'm not going to apologize. I'm going to grovel." Sylvester: "Understood but still there's a high likelihood that she will throw something at you."
4. Cabe: "I feel like we should be cranking some Skynyrd in this thing. Takes me back." Walter: "To what?" Cabe: "The 70's." Walter: "I wasn't born yet." Cabe: "Screw you."
5. Cabe: "Alright kids, if you need to hit the head now's the time because we're not stopping once we hit the road." Sylvester: "You know you're not our dad, right?" Cabe: "Stop acting like kids, I'll stop acting like your dad."
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - the pace is picking up as mysteries are slowing being solved
The "Excuse Me!" Award - What the heck, people! You don't take a missing kid to a shelter. You take him to DFS. Where the heck does this show take place because it most certainly isn't America?
The "You Look Pretty Good" Award - Let me get this straight. Camille was in a bus that went over a steep cliff and crashed, yet the only physical trauma to her body was a jagged puncture wound on her back. Methinks something was up from the beginning.
Worst Decision - Choose a female and you could probably make a case for them. Claire snaps at all the wrong people. Camille walks around like she isn't back from the dead. Michelle should be at the precinct for kidnapping Victor. Rowan sleeps with a dead guy.
Biggest Creepy Stalker - still Tommy and his house cameras
The "But Still" Award - Don't get me wrong. Tommy is nutso and you need to get out now. Still Rowan, you don't have much room to talk, considering you just screwed a dead person on Tommy and your bed. Adultery is bad enough. Necrophilia is much worse. Neither of you gets the moral high ground here.
Best Surprise - they actually had Victor kill Nosy Neighbor instead of turning her into a pod person
Most Surprising - Peter is the robber whose partner killed Victor and his mom
Least Surprising - Simon committed suicide
Biggest Freak Out - Helen
The "It's about Time" Award - finally someone busts Julie for kidnapping Victor
Best Confirmation - the scar on Lena's back is directly related to Camille's injury
Best Quotes -
1. Claire: "Tell me what you think is going on here." Lena: "She's still all you care about, even when she's killing me."
2. Claire: "I just want to get this clear. The money we saved for our daughter's college, you spent on a hooker." Jack: "Lucy was not a hooker. She said she had a gift. That she could channel dead people. Talk to Camille." Claire: "Why did the police think you two had a relationship?" Jack: "Because she said that…uh, she said that we had to be having sex for it to work." Claire: "And you believed that."
3. Rowan: "You don't know anything. You're still 25."
4. Jack: "Well let's just acknowledge that she lied to me and took a bunch of my money. Whatever. I cared about her. How she felt about me, I don't know, but I didn't hurt her and I'm not going to apologize for something that saved my life."
5. Jack: "You know that your small change bad cop routine is embarrassing, right?"
I like how Fresh Off the Boat is starting to focus more on the parents and less on Eddie these days. That being said, I loved the 3 boys working together to get Eddie a science fair project and Emory's secret evil side. Plus Evan's a genius. I'm seriously impressed with his invention although it would have been far more notable if the machine had created the power to run the printer like I originally thought instead of discovering the secret formula of Dr. Pepper. Just saying. Still this episode was all about Jessica and her insecurities. I'm not really a fan of trying to make a spouse jealous but it did create that hilarious faulty gaydar montage of Jessica and Louis' obviously broken lovedar. The more oblivious they were, the more funny I found them. Since it all lead up to the heart of the episode, when Louis reassures Jessica, it made for a decent episode. Kudos to Rex Lee from Young and Hungry popping in as well but he's apparently typecast. He may want to talk to his agent about that.
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - gaydar vs. lovedar
Best Husband - Louis says that everyone should be jealous of him because Jessica is his wife
Most Lazy - Eddie tries to avoid making a science fair project by trying to catch chicken pox from Evan
Least Surprising - Oscar gets chicken pox too
Best Switch - Jessica is worried that Oscar likes Louis
Most Impressive - Evan's Dr. Pepper machine
Most Weird - the chicken shaped platelets bringing chicken pox
Best Reference - Ghost with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore
The "Welcome Back" Award - Rex Lee, currently on Young & Hungry in a similar yet less funny character
Best Quotes -
1. Nancy: "Bad news, boss. Mitch is out sick with the chicken pox." Louis: "Poor Mitch. Even when it comes to viruses, he's an ideal host."
2. Jessica: "Louis Huang, are you jealous?" Louis: "I don't have to be jealous. It's everybody else who should be jealous…of me. I got the best one."
3. Louis: "Why would I not be comfortable? I'm like a beanbag chair, almost always comfortable."
4. Jessica: "So what you're saying is it doesn't matter if you're gay or straight, the one thing we can all agree on is that I am hot."
5. Jessica: "Grandma's room is now a quarantine zone." Louis: "Like Outbreak. Great movie." Emery: "Is that the one with the cute monkey?" Jessica: "Emory if you ever see a monkey like that, you run okay? You run and you don't look back….and stay away from Evan because he is contagious."
This episode proves that eating brains doesn't just suck from a culinary point of view and yet it also proves crucial to Liv's character development. To be honest, I was shocked that they made Liv a murderer so quickly. I figured that would be a finale-type thing, mostly because now Doc and Liv have to get rid of the body and cover up all evidence of the murder. Being coroners, I realize that's not as hard as regular folks but still it's not just the psychological scars that bashing someone's head in leaves you with. The logistics may just as well come back to haunt them too. In some ways Liv in this episode reminds me of Clarke on the 100. She's faced with difficult consequences of actions that she sometimes doesn't have a lot of choice in. Plus this is the most powerful acting from Rose McIver yet.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - stakes just went higher as Liv murders Marcy to save Doc and they both cover it up
Most Significant - Liv's first kill
Least Surprising - Doc falls into the zombie pit / Clive was bluffing to get the murderer to confess
Best Friend - Peyton, who will be righteously annoyed for her friends who don't care that much
The "You Need to Sort Out Your Priorities" Award - Buddy, if a mutant serial killer is on the loose hermit crab hands are the least of your worries.
The "Poor Baby" Award - Liv has to deal with killing Marcy
The "Please Shut Up" Award - Liv, when you start babbling anything besides visions that come from the brains you ate, just put on the filter. It makes everyone suspect you're nuts every time.
Most Helpful - original owner of the car who not only ID's the murderer but also low jacked the car
The "Welcome Back" Award - Devon Gummersall from Roswell / Serge Houde from Supernatural and other things
Best Quotes -
1. Liv: "There are already 2 zombies, me and Blaine. Now there may be a third? Two's company. Three's a horde."
2. Liv: "If we're lucky that zombie photo is just a dumb teenage prank." Doc: "Better safe than the apocalypse."
3. Liv VO: "The last thing I want to do is have another flood of psychopathic thoughts bringing out my inner b**, but when Popeye faces Bluto out comes the spinach. If it'll up my shot at a vision, then let's pop the top on the leftover cerebellum."
4. Doc: "I never knew orange safety gear would be so flattering. I look positively rugged." Liv: "You were totally convincing. You held that coffee cup with real blue collar machismo."
5. Brian: "There's a hobo in there, man. We can cut him into the movie." Karl: "Or maybe it's a serial killer and he can cut us into stupid virgin stew. What if this place turned him into a mutant and he's got hermit crab hands?" Brian: "Than I'm about to have 3 million Instagram followers."
In an episode of surprising revelations and great guest stars, it is still Henry and Abe's relationship that grounds everything. They are the heart, soul, and foundation of the show and I will miss them very much when they go. I like that this is a clear case of Abe rescuing a drowning Henry. It also helps that I loved Numb3rs so to see Judd Hirsch and David Krumholz reunited was a great treat. Now all we need is Rob Morrow to guest and I'll be thrilled. I was a bit startled though when the episode ended with Abe suggesting they start the antique business. I thought there was a rift between Henry and Abe around that time so I thought this might be the cause but that doesn't appear to be the case. I still wonder what could have caused them to be estranged. Another huge shocker is that Abe never stopped looking for his mom. I hope we don't get a surprise twist here. I really do not need Abigail to still be alive. Too much emoangsting or plot device in that. Speaking of things I don't want to happen, please show do not reveal that Isaac has some deep criminal background and that he's using Jo. That would be too melodramatic. Leave those 2 kids alone.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - Henry and Abe's complicated relationship
Best Back Story - the founding of the antique shop
Best Moment - Henry asks Lucas to a club and Lucas is so grateful he hugs him
Most Intriguing Twist - Reece asks Henry to pursue the case without Jo or Hanson
Best Puppy Dog Face - Lucas
Best Back Story - Jo and her inner punk / Hanson was lead singer in a band
The "Oh Please" Award - There is still a bloody fingerprint on the club wall from when the woman died in the 80's. Huge sigh and face palm.
Best Reaction / Best Visual - Henry after Lucas asks to borrow a scarf and before he shares his aha moment
Biggest Huh? - Why do curled edges mean drug money? I seriously want to know because I've never heard of that.
The TMI Award - Lucas, who sounds very creepy when talking about taking baths
The "Brennan Would be Shocked" Award - this case really calls for Temperance Brennan, who wouldn't need to hydrate the body to find out what happened
Most Surprising - Hanson can rock out / Abe is still searching for his mom
Biggest Hmm - Shouldn't there be some decay or at least dust on the leather jacket the mummy is wearing?
The "Welcome Back" Award - David Krumholtz, who starred with Judd Hirsch in Numbers / Frederick Weller, who played Marshall on In Plain Sight
Best Music - Here I Go Again karaoke by Hanson
Best Quotes -
1. Lucas: "Wow, even bada** drug dealers lose their hair. Time, you are a cruel mistress. Although he seems to be doing pretty well."
2. Zoe: "Whatever you think my dad did, he didn't. He's not that cool."
3. Abe: "I think I'm having déjà vu. I wonder is there a medical explanation for that or is it just people stupidly repeating old behavior and not realizing it?" Henry: "I can see what you're very subtlety suggesting Abraham, but you're wrong. This is nothing to do with me. I can handle this." Abe: "Well I don't think I can. This is how it started Henry. I pulled you out once. I don’t think I can do it again."
4. Jo: "This place is a New York landmark." Isaac: "It had its moments. Now it's over." Jo: "No, no. It is raw and authentic and it is…full of drugs." Isaac: "How about for tonight you forget you're a cop?"
5. Jo: "Easy there, Van Halen." Henry: "Oh good, you're here." Lucas: "Oh good, anyone's here."
6. Henry: "You do have a son." Eddie: "He doesn't need me." Henry: "Perhaps it’s you that needs him."
What a campy bunch of fun on The Flash this week! Yes, I know I complained about the horrible dialogue last week and to be honest it was just as over the top this week, but the big difference is that it was supposed to be. I mean they hired Luke Skywalker as the Joker and gave him the famous "I am your father" speech. Bwah! I about died from laughing so hard. This is where The Flash succeeds over Arrow. It is at its best when it doesn't take itself so seriously. (Insert your own Joker joke here.) Still for all the fun of Hamill's great performance, this episode also had a lot of heart and more importantly, answers! I love answers. At first I thought they were going to leave me hanging about Wells and Vaughn as I envisioned some sort of Firestorm meshing. Instead they gave us the whole back story…well what was needed for today's questions anyway. Have to say that a future that lets psychopaths like this time travel may not be a world we want to strive for though. They lack some serious judgment. Let's hope Barry, Joe, and even Eddie can make for a better future now that I'm over the shock of Barry revealing his secret identity to Eddie that is. Next up, Iris.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - Mark Hamill and forward progress on the Wells issue
Best Aww Moment - Joe and Barry talk about how they see people and Joe reassures Barry
Biggest Cheer - Barry and his dad reunite
Best Back Story - Harrison and Tess
Least Logical - Shouldn't the Trickster's face be broadcast everywhere once he escaped? Why would no one at the party recognize him?
Very Best Meta Ever - Mark Hamill (Trickster) tells New Trickster that he's his father
Stupidest Kid - Did he not see things exploding when they hit the ground? Every kid I know would be running from them. Someone needs to get that kid help and not of the Flash variety.
Least Capable of Keeping a Secret - Barry, who can't hide his new negative feelings for Wells
Biggest Shock - Barry reveals himself as The Flash to Eddie
Biggest Huh? - If they want the Trickster to identify New Trickster, why didn't they show him a picture of him? That would seem more effective than a picture of the wreckage.
Weirdest Pan In - What's up with the close up of the dummy? I expected a camera watching them or something.
Best New Addition - Tess for the 10 seconds she lived
The "Where's Abby or Garcia When You Need Them?" Award - That mask is pathetic. Either Abby or Garcia would have his identity in about 10 minutes so Gibbs or the BAU could find and stop him.
Most Over-the-Top / Most Fun / Most Silence of the Lambs - original Trickster, who is as hammy as they come but for some reason I can laugh at and with him instead of cringing at his dialogue
The "Say What?" Award - I'm confused. So there's Harrison Wells and there's Eobard Thawne and they are not the same person? Never expected that. Also is everyone in the future a psychopath because I have no idea why they let this nutter time travel in the first place?
The "Welcome Back" Award - Mark Hamill of Star Wars fame
Best Reference - Speed / Felicity
Best Quotes -
1. Trickster: "The real reason I tracked you down and groomed you to be the best you could possibly be, Axl, I am your father."
2. Trickster: "I've had 20 years to come up with the perfect trick. It's going to be my masterpiece, my Mona Lisa, my Breaking Bad season 5. They gave me cable in prison so I'd stop killing the guards."
3. Trickster: "You know when I was free and at my height, a day without casualties was like…well, like the Cubs winning the pennant. It just never happened."
4. Trickster: "Well hello. You know I've been in prison for 20 years." Iris: "Then you'll know the routine when you get sent back."
5. Joe: "He is Harrison Wells. You love science. He is science. It's like you made best friends with Einstein." Barry: "You're saying I wanted to be tricked." Joe: "You always want to be the person who sees the best in people. I've been a cop for 25 years. All I can see is the flaws, the lies, the dark thoughts that people think. I don't see. I wish I could be you. As fast as you are, that is your real power. Don't let Wells take that from you. I don't know why he's helping us. All that matters is that he is."
This is an example of when the stuff I liked, I really liked. The stuff I didn't I hated. Metatron has to go. All angels need to go. Drop Bobby back to earth in some canon-busting, Anna like way. I mean it's not like canon means anything on this show anyway, and let the angels play up in heaven, never to be heard from again. At least off Metatron. I did however like seeing Bobby again because I've missed him and everything Crowley rocked. Plus he temporarily got rid of that poisonous thorn, Rowena. I'm glad. I think she'll make a much stronger enemy now and I can't wait to see just how witchy she gets now that she's not manipulating but straight up trying to fight her son and the Winchesters. Witches on this show have never been so fascinating. Who wants to bet that she figures out how to remove the Mark of Cain?
Grade: B
Best Reason to Watch - so many Easter eggs to pre-Carver years when Supernatural excelled
The "Please Listen" Award - Bobby is the voice of wisdom here. Time to listen. Secrets have never once done a Winchester good when it comes to each other. Spill, be honest, put two and two together. Winchesters united have always been better than Winchesters working on their own no matter the justification.
The "It Does My Soul Good" Award - hearing Bobby say "idjits" again along with other catchphrases
Biggest Laugh - angel intercom says that the Bobby's are surly
The "You Can't Have One without the Other" Award - for some reason every time I get Crowley, Cas comes along for the ride too even though they have nothing to do with each other
Best Reaction - Sam to hearing Dean in the middle of a nightmare. If you're a Winchester, you bring the gun and move your butt anytime you hear screaming.
Best Reveal - Rowena tells Dean that Crowley's her son
Best Rabble Rouser - Bobby, all of the Bobbys
Best in Tandem - Dean and Crowley drinking
The "I Don't Blame Them" Award - I wouldn't let them anywhere near Metatron either. Of course, I would have killed him and put the audience out of their misery by about his 2nd episode too.
Biggest Nope - We don't need to go the Dean as demon route again, even though it was a lot of fun. Well maybe if he pals around with Crowley and karaokes again.
Worst Plan Ever - The Winchesters have had some very bad plans. Like terrible, end of the world plans. Breaking Metatron out of heaven is right up with them but worse because it means more angel junk. Then for Cas to bring him on a freaking grace road trip! Argh! Are you kidding me?
The "This Won't End Well" Award - playing pool against Dean Winchester means getting hustled, you college morons
The "This Won't End Well" Award - playing pool against Dean Winchester means getting hustled, you college morons
The "I Don't Even Want to Know" Award - what Dean is doing with that toothbrush is beyond me
Worst Movie Ever - Existential story about mimes turning into cockroaches, huh Sam? Just needs spiders.
Best Continuity - Biggersons / Kenny Rogers / Bobby's love of Tori Spelling
The "Least Welcome Back" Award - Metatron, who should have died 2 seasons ago
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Bobby
The "Welcome Back" Award (prop) - Bobby's trucker hat
The "Welcome Back" Award (setting) - Bobby's house
Best Quotes -
1. Crowley: "Rough date, mother?" Rowena: "Dean Winchester did this to me." Crowley: "…Why were you anywhere near Dean Winchester?" Rowena: "I was trying to kill him." Crowley: "Been there. Never seems to work out quite the way you want."
2. Cas: "Dean doesn't know we're doing this." Bobby: "Well that's a page right out of the Winchester playbook, ain't it?" Cas: "Dean has given up." Bobby: "And you idjits haven't?" Cas: "Would you?" Bobby: "Hell no."
3. Crowley: "She says I've gone soft." Dean: "You have. What? Yeah maybe it's all the human blood Sammy pumped into you, you know. Maybe it's…uh, I don't know. I don't know, but the old Crowley, he would have come in here with hellhounds and demons and he would have blown the roof off the joint. Now, you didn't want to fight. You wanted to talk. Yeah maybe I've changed too. Here I am playing Dr, Phil to the King of Hell. Never saw that coming." Crowley: "Maybe we're getting old." Dean: "Never saw that coming either. What is it, huh? Why are you letting Mommy Dearest tie ya' into knots?" Crowley: "Because we're family. We're blood." Dean: "Well that's not the same thing. A wise man once told me, 'Family don't end in blood.' It doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there through the good, the bad, all of it. They've got your back even when it hurts. That's family. That sound like your mother?"
4. Bobby: "This is the Scribe of God? Looks like a Fraggle." Metatron: "I'm gonna take that as a compliment. That was an excellent program."
5. Bobby: "Hey Sam, you remember when this job was just chopping up some fang and tossing back a cold one." Sam: "I miss that." Bobby: "Ditto." (Dahne: "Me three.")
Another well done episode of The Goldbergs. Who doesn't remember escalating wars with siblings or having that one impossible dream to get you fame and fortune? One of the unsung positives of The Goldbergs is how immensely relatable it is. Even if you didn't live in the 80's like I did, it lifts up universal truths about family in a way that also makes me howl with laughter. Pusher vs. smusher was fantastic and yes, it is hard to always be the bad guy. I'm glad Murray got to say yes here and especially glad that we got to see him supporting Erica. There's nothing more heart-tugging than a father-daughter hug when you're a teen. It helps you get through those rough times and as such it is my favorite moment of the week.
Grade: A-
Best Reason to Watch - all the heart
Best Aww Moment - Murray gives Erica money for her demo and tells her to pursue her dreams and then Erica hugs him
Best Character Interaction - Beverly and Murray
Best Voice Over - the ending one about family
Most Fun - Murray and Beverly asking the teacher to crush Erica's spirit
Most Surprising - Murray forks over $200 for Erica's demo. That was a ton of money back when gas was under $1 a gallon.
The "I Remember" Award - Tearing down the Berlin Wall was a big thing in my school too. It was the visual representation of peace and an end to the fear of imminent nuclear war.
Best New Word - momager = mom manager. It sounds as bad as it is.
Best Reference - Simon LeBon from Duran Duran / Tiffany and Debbie Gibson
Best Quotes -
1. Murray: "Here, for your demo." Erica: "But we agreed you're going to talk to mom." Murray: "And I will. But I just need you to know that there's nobody else out there like you. Nobody. Look I got my dream. I got this house, I got this family, I got you, and if this is what you really want, I say go for it. To a parent that's scary as hell, but I can't have you live your life thinking I held you back." Erica: "Dad." Murray: "Yeah." Erica: "What you said. That was really….thank you." Murray: "Anything for you, peanut."
2. Erica: "But then in the end I will be bigger than Tiffany and Debbie Gibson…but not Madonna because I'm realistic."
3. Pops: "Kiddo, I fought in a real war. Trust me, there is no winner."
4. Beverly: "You've got to go up there and tell her she's got to go to college." Murray: "Why? You just told her she didn't." Beverly: "Because I'm the dream pusher and you're the dream smusher. That's how this works." Murray: "This is a thing? I'm the dream smusher?" Beverly: "Yes, I push. You smush. That's the natural order of things." Murray: "I didn't sign up for this. You smush for once. You know it's exhausting always having to be the bad guy."
5. Adam: "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news. Barry asked me to come here and terminate your relationship." Laney: "Yeah that's just not realistic, dude."
For all intents and purposes, this episode was mostly a stop gap. They got rid of the evidence of Michelle's death, Victor and Natalie ran away, and the killer took out his target. Nothing moved along on Black Dagger and there was little forward progression of the overall plot. Christoph is the only one who got further ahead and his flip-of-a-switch split personality from enthusiastic fan to cold-blooded killer was fascinating. Giancarlo Esposito is fantastic here. I have no idea who this tech guy is but it's obviously that Black Dagger revolves around one of his clients. While I am sorry to see Michelle go, I hope they don't draw out her disappearance for very long because I really need the mysteries to start clearing up. We only have 4 more episodes and I feel like we're stuck with no way to progress.
Grade: B-
Best Scene - Mark tells Katya he'd do it all over again
Best Resolution - have Natalie pretend to be Michelle for the cops
The "Say What?" Award - Why is Sarah suddenly telling Katya that she loves her? She acts like she hates her most of the time.
Best Back Story - Victor tells Alex about his mother dying
The "You're Making Things Too Complicated" Award - Allegiance has Scorpion Syndrome in that it's suddenly making things much harder than it has to be. They are tracking down the phone and triangulating cell towers when they already know where to start. The person who killed Michelle had a very small window of opportunity to do so, so get security footage for around her apartment at that time.
Biggest Argh - Why are they recapping Michelle's body disposal? We just saw it. No need to remind us.
Least Likely to Continue - I refuse to believe that Natalie and Victor are gone for good. They have to come back or they won't have Natalie's very useful computer skills and Victor's knowledge of what the SVR is up to. Plus they make the show more interesting.
Biggest Hmm - Wouldn't an abandoned building have the utilities turned off? Why would the crematorium still have power to work?
Least Surprising - the FBI comes right when Michelle's body is being removed, ensuring that everything Is more complicated like each step of this mystery
Least Reassuring - Sam picks Alex's safe like opening a door
Best Quotes -
1. Katya: "I'm so sorry that I brought you into this. All of it." Mark: "No, no, stop. Stop. My eyes were wide open." Katya: "But if you had to go back and do it all over again, would you?" Mark: "We're going to fix this. All of it. We're going to make it right." Katya: "You didn't answer my question." Mark: "Yes, I would do it all over again just to be with you."
2. Victor: "If we left, you'd never see her again." Alex: "But she'd still be alive. Get her out while you still can or the next time she could be the one rolling around in the back of a van."
3. Mark: "You wanted to be a figure skater. You were obsessed with Oksana Baiul. You wanted us to move to Simsbury so you could train even if it meant waking up at 4:oo in the morning. Instead you ended up being an expert at blood removal and my son's first love is wrapped up in sheets, ready to be rolled into a carpet and disposed of. Your mom, she told me she was pregnant with you in the same breath she told me she was SVR. I had to make a choice." Natalie: "If you hadn't stayed with mom, we wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be a family."
4. Katya: "Well now you understand why I lied to you for so long. In this world that we are trapped in, being honest with someone can get them killed."
The case of the week was mere backdrop in this episode. It was all about the team and Backstrom family drama with the latter being far more important. Finding out that Backstrom and Valentine are half-brothers adds a layer to their relationship, which is already the most interesting. I don't really need a Valentine and Blue scene but I am glad that the revelation allows Backstrom to keep Valentine as a tenant because as Lou implied, they balance each other and smooth out the worst of the edges. Having Valentine on the peripheral even more would have been a mistake. Speaking of Lou, I'm glad we got to meet her and I hope she pops in a few more times. I'd like to hear more back story on her and also on Valentine. I like that we got additional back story on Gravely and Moto as well. I'm not sure what Kines was alluding to with their past job together but Gravely obviously had some interesting cases before being assigned to Backstrom's team. Plus she's the least flushed out. Learning that Moto has a son that drives him to make full detective was a great note for his character too.
Grade: B+
Best Reason to Watch - character interactions
Best Scene - Backstrom psychoanalyzes the band and their counterparts on the team comment about it
Most Intense - Backstrom threatens the local gangster to protect Valentine
Best Aww Scene - Backstrom and Valentine agree on half the rent
Most Fun - golf cart chase
Best Reaction - Valentine and Backstrom to learning they are half-brothers
Best Advice - it may make you look guilty but having a lawyer present during a police interview is wise if all the cop shows I watch are any indicator
Poor Baby Award - it's Niedermayer's work that leads to the dead body but Backstrom gets all the credit
Worst Substitute for a Towel - toilet paper
Most Likely to be Murdered - Valentine if he ever woke me up in the morning like that
Least Surprising - Valentine and Backstrom are brothers, which became clear once Backstrom did the math
Most Incoherent - Backstrom high in an interview
The "Welcome Back" Award - Faran Tahir of Warehouse 13 and guest on most shows I watch
Best Quotes -
1. Backstrom: "I know who you are, Mr. Trippy. I know you're kind of a big deal on the streets. You may not know who I am. My name is Lieutenant Everett Backstrom. Gregory Valentine, the kid you beat up, he's family. Anything happens to him, you're dead. I know you have people. I have people too. Do you understand every word I've just said?"
2. Lou: "Hey! You're brothers. Half-brothers." Valentine: "Um, I'm assuming same father, different mother." Lou: "Everett and I are practically the same age." Valentine: "Really?" Backstrom: "You had sex with my father." Valentine: "You had sex with my mother." Backstrom: "She was really hot. She still is." Valentine: "Shut up."
3. Gravely: "Tell me you hate him too." Backstrom: "I hate everybody."
4. Backstrom: "Accordion players, people, Satan's squeezebox."
5. Backstrom: "Well you can stay here until you find someplace permanent I guess." Valentine: "Hey uh, I don’t have to pay rent now. Now that we're brothers, right?" Backstrom: "Half-brothers." Valentine: "Half brothers, half the rent." Backstrom: "Okay."
Grade: C+
Best Reason to Watch - everything is wrapped up nicely to get back to where it was last season
Most Funny - Elliot snark
Best Resolution to a Sticky Situation - Josh gets Gabi a new phone so she will never hear his message
Biggest Hmm - How does a tech guy not know how to delete an audio file off his laptop? I am starting to suspect his genius.
Strangest Status Symbol - an apron
The "Sorry to See You Go" Award - it might have been fun to see Gabi working with someone in the kitchen, so I wish Jilly had lasted more than 1 episode
Biggest Pretty Please - Get rid of the new credits. They suck. Out loud.
The "Please Stop Screeching" Award - every time Gabi is excited she lets out this high-pitched squeal that goes right through my brain
Best Quotes -
1. Josh: "While you were gone, there was a phone virus that swept the country. People everywhere were talking face-to-face. It was horrible."
2. Gabi: "Hey, do you want to see pictures of my trip to China with Cooper?" Josh: "Not even a little."
3. Yolanda: "He's deaf. What do I do?" Elliot: "Go out with him. He's hot." Yolanda: "But I've never been out with a deaf guy before." Elliot: "So, you've never been out with a hot guy before."
4. Gabi: "We're all so happy." Josh: "I know right. You have Cooper. I have Jilly. Sophia has…" Sophia: "A new phone." Josh: "As long as you keep it on silent."
5. George: "I can read lips, momacita." Elliot: "Well look at that. You finally have a date who can read."
Egads is Juliette annoying in this episode. I understand her frustration. I don't understand why she won't let anyone help and is instead blaming everybody and shrieking at them. If this leads to her going, I'm good with that. Let her go to hexenbiest training school for a year. She can take Adalind with her. The best part of this episode was the acknowledgment that Trubel exists and the hope that she will come back now that no one's after Josh. Maybe the writers realized they need her. Other than that, this was a good case of the week. The Wesen deserved sympathy and I wish we had more time with her. Monroe and Rosalee needed a bit more screen time as well. As for the Royals, I am good with Kenneth right now. Sure he's a bully and a douche but at least something is now happening with that story line. It was going nowhere fast so this might be the kick they needed.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - the case of the week
Most Sympathetic - Bella, who never asked for any of this
Most Annoying - Juliette
Biggest Douche - Ricky
The "Better Than Nothing" Award - Trubel contacts Nick via e-mail. I miss you too, Trubel. A lot. Please come back.
Best New Character - Kenneth, who at least puts some movement into the storyline
Best Quotes -
1. Wu: "Organ donor, but I think that ship has sailed."
2. Rosalee: "It's never been tried or if it has been there's been no record. Usually that means not such a good outcome." Hank: "It might affect you in ways we have no way of predicting." Monroe: "Not exactly…um, FDA approved, you know."
3. Renard: "So this is where you tell me how important I am to the family and we should join forces." Kenneth: "No. (fight ensues until Renard loses) This is where I tell you how important I am to the family and unless you join forces with me, you'll end up like your friend Damerov and the king will mourn the loss of another son. Think about it."
4. Nick: "I know a thing or two about side effects. You really want to think about this." Bella: "You don't know what it's like to never be able to experience love, never feel the touch of another person or be able to touch them. I don't care about the side effects. It can't be worse than what happens now."
5. Rosalee: "It's not them. It's whoever's turned on by them. It's a defense mechanism." Monroe: "An extremely offensive defense mechanism."
When I first read the synopsis for this episode I swore I had already seen this episode. Then I remembered that CSI: Cyber recently did a similar setup. Proof that everything does go round and round in the TV world. While this case was about the sheer lack of privacy we have when we use certain apps and horrors of cyberstalking, it all came down to whether Sherlock wanted to become a daddy or not. Well, whether he wanted to donate his sperm to a longtime irregular. Since she was asking basically because his father wanted to keep the line going, it wasn't hard for him to say no. Still it lead to some good conversation on how Sherlock sees his own gifts. In many ways, he has the lowest self-esteem on the show. He never seems to realize the good he does but rather concentrates on the bad. It makes him the humblest braggart Sherlock I've ever seen and it's part of why I'm still watching this show.
Grade: B-
Best Reason to Watch - more background into Sherlock and the irregulars
Best Aww Scene - Watson explains the emotional comfort quotient of ice cream to Sherlock
Bravest Souls - again Elementary seems to be shot in subfreezing temperatures
Most Disturbing - cyberstalking through apps
The "Hmm, I Guess It is a Thing" Award - Who knew that there was a cabbie vs. ride share war going on?
Worst Plan - asking someone to have a baby with you based on their father's wishes, who just happened to donate money to your cause, sounds a lot like whoring yourself out
Best Grammar Police - Sherlock and his hatred of internet spelling mangling
TMI - Sherlock and his escapades with Agatha
Biggest Dis - hypocrisy of celebrity environmentalists, especially Bono
Most Sherlock Move - smelling the pavement
The "Welcome Back" Award - Devin Ratray from Supernatural and Agent Carter
Best Quotes -
1. Sherlock: "Wailing Goggleman alone must burn enough fuel in a year to send a rocket to Mars." Agatha: "Wailing Goggleman?" Sherlock: "Yeah, you know. The Irishman with the songs." Agatha: "Bono. His name is Bono."
2. Sherlock: "What facet of my being would suggest that I have any desire to reproduce? Is it my optimistic outlook or perhaps the nostalgic fuzzies that you hear me spouting about my own upbringing?"
3. Sherlock: "The dot.com mavens will not rest until every word has been mangled. That's word with one O."
4. Sherlock (to Watson when she can't hook up the TVs) : "Don't be ashamed. We can sign you up for a remedial course at a senior center."
5. Sherlock: "Adhering to my theory that Galen Barrow's murder is not related to the livery war of 2015, I began to look at other aspects of his life."
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